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Listen like there’s going to be a test later, and if you pass there will be peace in the Middle East and the polar ice caps will un-melt.

’ I guess women had told him it was huge, but it was medium at most.” - Josephine, 32 The honest-to-goodness truth is that bigger isn’t always better, but a big ego is the worst. Or go a step further and give her a hand, especially if it’s in a spot she may have trouble reaching. Julia Reiss is a writer and stand-up comedian who has officially ruined the magic of Hogwarts in her editor's perverted mind. She also has a website to prove to her parents that she's doing something with her life.

We will praise your penis on our own if it’s deserving, TRUST. But asking us to extol your member, particularly for its size, comes off as very insecure and a little delusional.

Our nips are super sensitive, with varying degrees of sensitivity throughout the month, so play accordingly.

Gentle licking and sucking can be truly spectacular, so long as it doesn’t feel like you’re trying to milk us.

But if you’re going to try and win her over with your comedic sensibilities, only bring crowd favorites, not some weird experimental shit you saw at an improv show.

Never crack a joke that will make her feel any less desirable, or like you’re not at least taking the sex she’s allowing you to have with her seriously.

For all the men out there serving up cold leftovers in bed, here are the things you’re doing horribly, horribly wrong, according to women who constantly endure them. like he’s breastfeeding.” - Gabi, 28 Some guys will latch on harder than a dehydrated newborn.